Domestic violence, someone to blame? : Melbourne Indymedia

Griffith Aboriginal mothers appeal for calm after boy's death

Aboriginal women in the Riverina city of Griffith, in south-western New South Wales, have urged residents not to blame their community over the violent death of a popular student on New Year's Day.

Text messages are circulating in the city that incite race violence.

Today's Griffith Area News devotes seven pages to the death of 17-year-old student Andrew Farrugia.

The popular young man died after an assault during New Year's celebrations in Griffith's main street.

Two 15-year-old boys have been charged with his murder and police expect to interview a third person, an 18-year-old man, in Sydney today.

In a letter to the local paper today, the Aboriginal mothers of Griffith offer their deepest apologies, saying the death should not have happened.

The letter says Aboriginal leaders need to act on social issues affecting their children and that a solution is needed for all the cultural groups in Griffith.

Meanwhile police have warned they will prosecute those responsible for the text messages that are circulating that incite racial violence in the city.

Source http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200701/s1821811.htm

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But it has little to do with racism except to say that Aboriginals are picked on by the ABC and because they're black and tend to fight back. But not correct to define the problem as "Aboriginal" and that "Aboriginal Leaders" should do more but the community should do more to get the authorites to start leading by example and more to do with society as a whole.

Related:

Survey shows 'surprising' rate of criminal records for under-21s

A survey of people born in New South Wales in 1984 has revealed 10 per cent of them had a criminal record by the time they turned 21.

The most common convictions were for drink driving and other traffic offences.

The results show that most of the people who appeared in court did so only once.

NSW Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research director Don Weatherburn says it is the first year such a study has been done in Australia, so it is not yet known if the figure is out of the ordinary.

He says he did not think the proportion of people who have criminal records would be so high.

"To find out that 10 per cent of those born in 1984 have a criminal record before the age of 21 is quite surprising in some ways," he said.

"Although it has to be borne in mind that most of these people had one court appearance and no further appearance, so it is not as if they became career criminals.

"I guess the more interesting point is that it's the small percentage who repeatedly appear who account for most of the appearances.

"For example the 2 per cent who appear in court 10 times or more account for 15 per cent of all the appearances by people in this age group."

Monday, September 11, 2006

http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200609/s1738174.htm

Smacking ban too extreme, Family Association says

The Australian Family Association says a ban on smacking children is going too far.

The Australian Childhood Foundation says it would like physical punishment against children to be banned.

But Australian Family Association spokesman Damien Tudehope says the current laws are adequate.

"We have some concerns about introducing laws which have the potential of turning parents into criminals," he said.

"Certainly we don't advocate any circumstances where it's appropriate to leave permanent marks on children and to use discipline in a way where it becomes an assault on children.

"But to introduce laws which mean the Government has a role to play in deciding who and who isn't a good parent, we think that's going too far."

The Australian Childhood Foundation has released the findings of a national survey of 720 adults.

It has revealed 45 per cent of those surveyed believe it is okay to leave a mark on a child from physical punishment.

It also shows 10 per cent of respondents believe it is okay to use canes, sticks and belts to punish children.

The foundation's chief executive, Joe Tucci, says while there has been a decline in support for physical punishment, there is obviously still a large section of the community using it.

"I'd like to see Australia move towards banning the use of physical punishment against children," he said.

"That would put us in step with 15 other countries around the world and with our obligations under the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child."

Sunday, September 10, 2006

http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200609/s1737322.htm

Domestic violence is a crime and men can be victims too, although in smaller numbers.

A report released last October by the NSW Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research found domestic violence had increased by 50 per cent in the previous seven years and that a surprising number of cases involved male victims.

They outnumbered female victims in cases where the victim was under15 or over 39.

September 10, 2006 12:00

http://www.bbc.co.uk/crime/support/domesticviolence.shtml

Spare the Rod?

We all know the phrase from the Bible that says spare the rod and spoil the child. Does this mean hitting them? Is there another meaning that is possible here? An advisor of mine whilst I was Children’s Commissioner in Tasmania, who was preparing for church ministry, said that her interpretation of the Bible allows us to consider these statements from a non violent perspective. She said that the rod in the Bible referred to the shepherd’s rod. This shepherd’s rod had a crook in it which was used to hook onto the sheep to prevent them from straying, to contain them. I then realized for myself, that the rod was not the staff that the shepherd also had, that I believe was used to beat off wolves and other predators. My own reflections also lead me to this conclusion, as my favourite Psalm, Psalm 23 states that the Lord is my shepherd and that His rod and staff will always guide me and be my comfort.

The rod is to steer me to paths of righteousness with the rod to protect me from harm. Neither of these were there to harm me, and this concept of a benign and loving God, who like a good shepherd was devoted and faithful in looking after his flock is commonplace in the Bible. I humbly and respectfully offer you this alternative way of viewing some Biblical statements as matters for your consideration, to show how it is possible to parent without any violence, but with guidance, care and love.

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Preventing Violence - Preventing Crime - Preventing A Prison Experience - Preventing Youth Suicide [updated 20 May 2006]

4 February 2006

Lack of social skills in my family brought on smacking and violence as a means to solve problems. When I learned how wrong this was it saddened me to learn that my own parents lacked the social skills needed to use dialogue for solving problems and taught me how to use violence.

Classically conditioned that violence wins. Bad lesson.

When parents have a child that is not the time to tell them there are better ways to bring up their children rather than belittling them, putting them down, or belting them into submission. You see this often at the market place. Even when I see it in the street parents by that stage cannot be told easily and there are reasons for it. They inherently know better? Once a parent has had a child they simply cannot be told how to raise their child based on their own past family experience, they think they have all that experience when it was passed down from the family 'they trusted the most' which is the one that raised them.

Then when the marriage breaks down usually because of the high value and principal of 'something' like 'raising children', or 'financial difficulty', or even a number of crisis all together, then taking into account both parents were raised by 'separate families' and could vary in alternative ideas and ideals. Then if a 'personality clash' occurs between them, they have to seek the real answers and when they find out that simple skills could have been learned earlier, either before or after the 'problem' they're usually shocked at the loss.

Also learning that their parents may have lacked those skills to pass on! Being locked out of skills can lead people into not taking full responsibility for their actions, crime, problem or learning curve. They could end up in jail!

Parents and governments must take some responsibility.

In my case the skills most needed were, self-worth, conflict resolution, violence doesn't win, better communication, and compromise.

Take the case of the thief who stole short change and killed his victim. If the offender in this case knew how much his victim was worth then he would have valued his victim - at least with as much worth and more than the twenty or so dollars stolen - that he was subsequently killed for. So it's not just responsibility that offender's need they also need worth and they don't get that from the prison system or being put down as a child.

In communication children and parents would have learned to only use constructive feedback or pay compliments when addressing someone but no put downs and the reasons for it ensures more friends even when one makes a remark about someone just because they were bored and thinking it was a funny thing to do at the time, for no decent reason of course, but because of that bad remark 'jokingly' has now lost a friend. To learn how much one is worth therefore is an important lesson (social skill). Self worth, self esteem, self-expression, public speaking etc. Hard to come by in a family where parents lack social skills or in a prison.

And do I trust myself! I never asked myself that question until after the offending violence and in prison for seven years! I suffered from hives and could not concentrate as a child as much as other children could and because of the violence in the home as well as a drunkard stepfather I was always looking for someone to trust but not myself. You can therefore see how this can prevent one's insight into one's responsibility or offending behaviour that can lead to prison. You may have heard of the hole? In short it's not good to fall into holes because it's cold, wet, and uncomfortable. You need to step around the hole and to do that you need to take responsibility for falling into holes.

Potential victims do this as well....Sometimes, setting themselves up for a fall because they too don't know how to take responsibility for looking after themselves. Just like the offenders don't.

I could not compromise when the value and principal 'seemed too high'. No skills e.g. compromise, win-win, win-lose, lose-lose. I could have learned that when I was eight years of age, as well as the above stated social skills. Lose the battle and win the war! But I never once asked myself did I trust myself, not to get into trouble, because I was an at risk child who was always trying to find someone to trust in my immature family who lacked social skills. In a crisis situation when the value and principal are high and one's emotional level is high because of it, then one's thinking level is usually low. In that type of crisis with little social skills, a person who has been classically condition to use violence as a means to solve a problem can reach for it in order to solve the problem they don't want. But without that lesson one would not reach for violence as a means, so easily.

1) Not every parent has the social skills to pass on. In fact up to at least three generations of parents in Australia today taking into account indigenous Australians.

2) If parents don't have social skills and can't be sold on better ways to raise children until after they've had children then they have to get those skills before they do have children.

If parents have not got them they cannot pass those skills on leaving the child or children more vulnerable and the community more at risk. Where do you get social skills if you cannot get them at home? They have to get them from school there is no alternative. Social skills and academic skills balanced into the curricula. Then all children can get social skills equally even if their parents don't have them to pass on.

3) That's is why up to 5% of people go to jail or hospital or the morgue - expensive results because of the push to produce tax-payers, academics, who may even leave university before they have attained good communication and conflict resolution skills.

Especially for those who do not get further education like me leaving school at age 15.

4) This cure is for the potential victims as well you know, not just for the offenders. How not to become a potential victim is written in the social skills curriculum under a few sections like for instance; Provocation, leaving one self-vulnerable, etc.

The most serious crimes also occur because the victim lacked social skills.

5) Youth Suicide - [updated 20 May 2006]

Lack of worth and knowledge can lead to youth suicide where as many as 300 people a year die in Australia of suicide then lessons have surely not been learnt!

Therefore the above argument raised about raising children better and making sure that all parents have better social skills to pass on to their children will prevent more victims. This is necessary for their survival. It will also prevent people going to jail. The money spent on police, prisons, hospitals, injury, or even death is returned to the community for better education instead of being constantly drained into a dead end.

Who wants to become a victim unnecessarily? Who wants to lose a child unnecessarily? Who wants to live a short life unnecessarily? Who wants to go to jail? If victims use things like 'shifting gears' conflict resolution in a crisis there will be no doubt, less victims. If they have those conflict resolution skills that is?

This will save lots the money spent on prisons and the victim industry. Funding returned to the community and the social skills industry and reduces the inflation of building new prisons etc because those five per cent will make it. This will prevent crime and is a cure for domestic violence for the whole community to absorb.

A lot of people spend time on post release and that is necessary but I spent my time on crime prevention because then post release is not so necessary nor are prisons.

*THE PUNISHMENT IS THE CRIME*
*FOR A WORLD WITHOUT VIOLENCE*
WHERE DOES THAT COME FROM?
a) DALI LAMA: "LOVE, PEACE AND KINDNESS YOU CAN'T BREAK IT."
b) FREDERICK NIETZSCHE: "LOVE YOUR ENEMY."
THERE IS ALSO FORGIVENESS BUT YOU DON'T GET THE COMPLETE PROTECTION UNLESS YOU ACCEPT BOTH OF THE ABOVE CONDITIONS.
AND FOR THAT YOU MUST COME TO TERMS WITH
c) FORGIVENESS.

Thank you for your time.